About 10 years ago I woke up with vertigo. As soon as my eyelids creaked open and I saw the ceiling fan spinning crazily over my head, I felt so dizzy I knew was about to lose what was left of lthe previous night's dinner. The bathroom was mere steps away, yet rising to an upright position and making it there was like being thrust in a tilting, whirling, state fair fun house and I just did get there - falling to my knees for obvious reasons.
For the next month I struggled. At first I literally could not walk across a room. Earle took over carpooling the children and got his first and only traffic ticket. I started visiting doctors: virus, they said, labrynthitis, they said,, patience they said. Slowly my balance returned, but as it did, bit by bit I lost the hearing in my right ear.Back to specialists. Hmm, they said. Tests, they said. Permanent hearing loss, they said. Brain tumor? they asked.
The MRI was terrifying - not the test itself - where I was stuffed, head first, into a banging throbbing cylinder, but the knowledge that the technician in the very next room might know the cause of my problems and that it might not be good. The young ENT called me as soon as he got word. "All clear" he reported. My breath, which had left me as soon as the words brain tumor had been spoken, came roaring back.
Once the Pandora's box of what my hearing loss COULD have been, I was able to accept the almost total loss of hearing in one ear. It felt I had just stepped out of the pool and I could not quite get the water out. I couldn't hear a conversation to my right - and triangulating sound was impossible - I never knew where noise was coming from! But I had my balance, my my MRI was clear and life was good!
Friends found it a challenge to talk to me as they could never remember which ear was my 'good' ear. So one afternoon, after picking up my boys from school, we headed to the South Square Mall. I found the Piercing Hut and had the pimpled teenager working the kiosk added a second piercing to my working ear. It seemed a practical solution to cuing my friends in on how best to communicate with me. But this piercing marked most clearly the change in my outlook. Acceptance.
Not long after this piercing, my hearing came back, well, most of it anyway. I was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease, which could come back at any time. I've been symptom free for 10 years with the exception of occasionally feeling off balance, but to this day I try to wear a 3rd earring everyday. It is a physical daily reminder of how to live my life.With supreme gratitude and acceptance of things I cannot control.
In my cube at work, I have these lines written by Maya Angelou - I love it and it cheers me everyday when I settled down to work:
I'm the same person I was back then,
A little less hair, a little less chin,
A lot less lungs and much less wind.
But ain't I lucky I can still breathe in.
So this Thanksgiving, I am joyful. I am thankful for what I do have! My God, my family, my friends, my health! I look in the mirror to put on my earrings and there it is every day-the third earring. A constant reminder of the blessings in my life. And a reminder to regularly examine all the good and especially today to spend this precious holiday marveling at all the wonderful things in the world. Happy Thanksgiving!
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