At Williamsburg there are great spots to browse, including an open air market. When I was there this week , I enjoyed wandering among the items for sale - all with a colonial bent. I strolled among lavender scented soaps, chocolate prepared from a historically accurate recipe, toy drums and muskets, wooden hoops and checkers.
A family browsed nearby, parents and two daughters. The mother had walked a bit away towards the home goods and the father was engaged with his girls. "Look, mom!" the older, eight-year-old-ish daughter called. She stood, dressed in a fluffy pink coat, her brown hair slipping from its ponytail with a wide grin on her face. Perched jauntily atop her head was a black tri-cornered hat. She stood beaming, waiting for her mother's approval.
Her mother looked up at the girl and in an exasperated voice said. "Take that hat off! That hat is for boys!"
Well.
To say every feminist hair on the back of my neck stood on end is to underestimate my reaction. Like a bull ready to charge a matador, I saw red. My breathing increased, my heart rate soared, and I drew myself up 2 inches beyond my normal height.
Unfortunately, there was little I could do. But I could not remain silent.
I sidled up to the mom, out of earshot of the daughter. "Your daughter looked so cute in that tricorn. If I'd been lucky enough to have a daughter, I would have bought her that tricorn in a heartbeat!"
The mom looked over at me, unhappy about my interference. By then, the daughter was within hearing range. Mom responded. "Oh, her dad is trying to make her into a pirate!"
I parried, "There were some kick-ass female pirates." The mother did not deign to answer, but the girl gave me a lopsided grin.
Mom bought something for the household and they soon walked off, the daughter giving the tricorn a longing look over her shoulder.
This whole exchange took maybe 5 minutes out of my day, but the moment has stayed with me. There is no one moment that defines us as women, but there are many individual moments that add up to tell us who we are, what our roles are, what we can accomplish and what limits us.
And generally speaking, we women can do most everything men can except have a prostate exam, father a baby, and pee standing up.
We can most certainly wear a tricorn or be a pirate.
| Heida Reed of Poldark plays Elizabeth Chynoweth |
When I was a very young girl, I thought the options open to me were teacher, nurse, or secretary. My sister was already set on being a nurse, so since I didn't like the idea of being beholden to a boss I chose teacher. But when I got to high school, I was able to evaluate my skill set. I was good at math. So I talked to my math teacher about a new(ish) field, computer science. She lent me her college textbook and encouraged my interest.
I had always been told I could do anything I wanted to, because I had been treated like an individual, not buttonholed into a "girl" role. My parents encouraged me in math, before I even knew girls "were bad at math." I rode shotgun with my dad on the farm. I got Legos when Legos were for boys. I never questioned my ability to be successful. My parents gave me the gift of teaching me to believe in myself. Despite the warning from my best friend's sister that I would change my major after my first Calculus class (most enjoyable A I ever earned) I flourished in my classes.
So when our girls - and I mean "our" in the sense of "our village" - "our community" - "our country" - when our girls want to succeed and in fact, exceed, we need to be ready to say YES. YES, you can do math. YES, you can compete. YES, you are worthy. YES, you have every right to do and be WHATEVER YOU WANT!
I'm proud of my grown boys in so many way, but one of the things I'm the most proud of is their feminist bent. They, too, hold fast to the dream, to the promise, to the reality that men and women are created equal. There is no one reason why. But one element of their villages' message can be found in the book The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes by DuBose Heywood. Written in 1939, this book tells the story of Cottontail - who wanted desperately to be one of the five Easter Bunnies, but is told "to go home and eat a carrot." So, she cleverly teaches her 21 baby bunnies to pitch in and care for the home so she can help at Easter. She achieves her goal.
This book was given to my older son when he turned 4 by our neighbors, the Mohars. Bob and Kathleen were part of the tapestry that defined to our sons the role of women and men in society. Because it really does take a village.
My message, my urgent message to you is to tell our girls they can do anything they want! Give them positive female role models. Read to them about women astronauts, scientists, lawmakers, and PIRATES. Show them that their place is the world is BESIDE the men in their lives, not BENEATH (!) them. SPREAD the good word!
Don't have a daughter? I don't care. You do have girls in your life. You are part of their tapestries. Your behavior towards women and their capabilities influence their perception of what they can and can't do. Ask them about their favorite subjects, encourage them in their team sports and BUY THEM THE @#$%&^% TRICORN!
